Rules tells us what to aim for. But examples show how it’s done.
There’s something funny about how we try to teach or learn things. We often start with rules. But the truth is, that’s rarely how anyone actually learns anything meaningful.
Ever noticed how the stuff that really sticks with us doesn’t come from someone telling us what to do?
It comes from watching someone do it.
We pick up more by watching/listening/observing people than by being instructed. Rules sound good in theory, but when life actually happens, it’s the examples that guide us.
You don’t learn how to stay calm in an incident because someone told you, “Always stay calm”
You learned it when you’ve seen someone hold their ground, been calm in chaos. It maybe your parent, a friend or even maybe someone random who didn’t freak out when everything around them was falling apart.
And in that moment, something quietly clicked inside you, “Oh. Calm during fire-breakout? That’s possible.”
Even being a better person works the same way. I’ve never met someone who became kinder because they studied a rulebook on empathy, sorta.
Even in relationships, the best lessons don’t come from love advice or long lists of do’s and don’ts. They come from watching two people you admire. Observing how they speak to each other, how they argue without trying to win, how they show up. You can’t fake that. You genuinely can’t fake that. You feel it.
You can hang a hundred quotes on your wall about being kind. But one memory of someone who showed you kindness when you didn’t deserve it. That’s the thing. That shapes how you treat others for the rest of your life. It doesn’t really need a caption. No pun intended.
You can test this out with almost anything from health, relationships, leadership, engineering, etc.,
Rules feel clean. But examples are sticky. They’re how we learn what to do when things aren’t clean. When we’re tired, confused, unsure. In those moments, we don’t recall a rule. We recall someone. A moment. An example.
And sometimes, they show us what not to do, which is just as useful. We all have a list of cautionary stories in our heads about people who had bad habits, made bad decisions. They taught us, by example, what we never want to become. This list inlcudes “our past self” as well.
You teach kids how to act in a tough situation by becoming an example of how to act, not by giving them rules to follow.
And that’s what kids remember. Not from what we say, but from what we do. You can lecture them about honesty all day long at the lake, but if they see you lie when it’s convenient, that’s the lesson they’re taking home with them.
Rules are useful, sure. They give structure, but without examples, they are just words. They don’t move us.
And that’s what this whole post is. Not a rule about avoiding rules. Just an example of how I’ve been thinking about it.
